Emotional mastery (part 4) – self-esteem and loving kindness

How someone feels about themselves is one of the top components of how happy they are and how successful they are being. Whether you are serious about pursuing your own development and achieving things for yourself, or if you are trying to create a better world for the people around you, your self-esteem is absolutely critical. Feeling good about yourself is not just a bonus which comes from success, it is a necessary pre-condition to improving your life and reaching your goals.

 

Everyone has fluctuations in how much love they have for themselves, and that is to be expected. However, there are many people on the planet who have a critically low opinion of themselves – probably the vast majority. If you don’t value yourself, neither will other people – that’s a mind-to-reality connection which is very easy to see. On top of that, poor self-esteem almost certainly means poor performance.

 

 

When a person has low self respect and esteem it is quite simply one of the quickest and easiest ways for them to perform incredibly poorly in whatever they are doing.

 

Just look at an athlete after their self-esteem has taken a battering. Professional sports stars often get themselves in tricky situations, particularly involving their families and their partners.

 

When a professional sports star gets in a situation which makes them out to be the bad guy, and they fall into that and begin to feel terrible about themselves, how does it affect their performance?

 

It makes them so bad at their game, that most of the time the coach or manager of the team will pull them from the field and give them a couple of weeks off.

 

 

 

The absolute most effective way of improving your self-esteem is to take time out in order to love yourself.

 

If this process sounds selfish, let it be selfish. But actually by taking the time out to improve your own self-esteem you are making things better for everyone around you as well. No-one enjoys dealing with people who have low-self esteem apart from fraudsters and bullies.

 

 

Find a good deal of time, at least ten minutes, and find somewhere you can sit comfortably undisturbed.

 

Begin by meditating on the sensations in your body – this is just to gain some peace of mind and focus.

 

Allow yourself to fully sense the gentle embrace of your own skin.

 

Once you’ve got a good feel for the flow of energy and you are feeling intimately focused on your own self and body, then begin to feel and cultivate a feeling of loving kindness and compassion towards yourself.

 

One way in which you can cultivate this is to think about how difficult things have been for you in the past, how well you have done to come through them so well.

 

Think about how tough you have been to come through all the things you’ve come through, and cultivate a great respect for your own efforts and time.

 

If you find images forming in your head of yourself smiling or being happy, then allow them to be and focus on them.

 

If you find yourself saying things to yourself in your head, like thank you or you’ve done so well, then let those thoughts be also – but remain focused primarily on your body feelings. These are the kinds of things you are cultivating in this sitting.

 

This is a very difficult process to describe, but as with everything it is best for you to just try it for yourself!

 

 

Don’t just limit the loving kindness practice to a special time in the day. If you have a spare 5 minutes here or there, just stop a moment and enter the process.

 

Just spend 5 minutes respecting yourself. Think about how much love you must have for yourself to take this time purely for intimacy with how you are feeling right now.

 

 

This is a great technique which should be utilised at every opportunity if you are building self-esteem. This technique is also reinforced by the practice of loving-kindness meditation, as you will be, to some degree, familiar with the process of paying attention to yourself in a compassionate manner.

 

When you achieve something special, or when you are performing really well, or just when you feel really great about something you’ve done – pay attention to yourself.

 

Think to yourself “…this is me! This is how I am!”

 

It’s such a simple technique, just to remind yourself when you have done something great that indeed you are the person who has created every single element of the experience you’re currently having.

 

And for that it is quite simple to feel a great deal of love and respect for yourself.

 

 

If you’re struggling with the above two processes then you may find this exercise a better place for you to start. This exercise is extremely simple and requires very little concentrated effort. It is best performed when the mind is in an alpha-like state. That means either early in the morning, or with the assistance of binaural beats.

 

Do not under-estimate the potency of this very simple exercise. This is something I used to do regularly up until quite recently.

 

Sit down with a pen and paper, and then think, speak, and write all at the same time “I love myself.”

 

Do it over and over and over.

 

You may not feel anything for the first minute, or the second, but keep going.

 

Soon enough things will begin to happen, images will form, sensations will arise, and you will start to feel a great deal of affection towards yourself.

 

Once you develop a taste for this feeling, you can’t help but cultivate it more and more.

 

 

As you develop a great deal of love for yourself you will begin to naturally respect yourself more. However, there’s no harm in furthering that respect as much as possible as the process takes place.

 

Never take your own time for granted. Never throw yourself down in-front of mindless TV to rot away chewing on junk food. That is a complete lack of respect for yourself. You have goals to achieve, you have greater things you want to make of your life, are you going to respect your own wishes and start achieving them?

 

Realise that your time and presence is valuable, and whenever possible take the time to thank yourself for being here, for doing the things you want to do, and for working as hard as you do to achieve the things you want to achieve.

 

I understand this may sound a little ridiculous, but trust me if you do this you will begin to develop a deep respect for yourself. A respect which will transcend your mind and flow naturally into your life.

 

They who have the greatest respect for themselves have the greatest respect of the world.